Can't sleep. Not sleeping gives me way too much time to think. Thinking only makes me unhappy because for one reason or another I can't seem to think of happy things. Why is that? When you are tired, and obviously should be sleeping because it's 2am, now 5am, why can't you sit and think of lovely things?
I wonder sometimes at my discontent. It comes and goes, some days I feel perfectly happy with how my life has directed its self. Other days I think I've made horrible choices and should have taken other paths. I've had other options, I could have stayed in school in NY, I could have taken the job at Disneyland, I could have not gone to school to do theatre at all. Now I'm working at Six Flags, making just over minimum wage and still living with my parents. No relationship to speak of and very little hope for one in the future. After all the only people I meet are people in similar situations to my own.
Not that I dislike my job, I love it most days. I get to do some amazing things. I can open the window at the Dolphin booth while loading music and watch the boys as they play. While working on setting levels on music I can stand in a tunnel with Sharks swimming over head. Trying to solve the mystery of a very old microphone I get to meet a walrus. It's only that there isn't any room for advancement there. Maybe if I hang around long enough I could become a lead, but it isn't that big of a step up. So as much as I like my job I have to search for a new one in January. And I think I will be ready to make big steps then, be willing to jump out there and apply for things away from home.
This is what happens when I can't sleep and if I left my room the dog would bark again because my dad is out of town. Silly dog barks at every noise if she thinks it might be my dad.
I should try to sleep again, I should go to rehearsal for TTC at 9:30, but I agreed be at work at 10:45 to help finish setting levels at Shark Experience. You might think that gives me pleanty of time at least be at part of rehearsal but no I may be able to spend about 5 minutes there before I have to head to Vallejo. Stupid parking difficulties. They went and built a roller coaster where the employee lot was now there is very little employee parking. Even on closed days when there are just the animal folks and a few from each department getting ready for the weekend and the lot is half full.
Maybe I will use this time to start a load of laundry and job search. Hope the dog doesn't bark